The Essence of Love and Marriage: Knowing What Love is Before You Say "I Do”

Nov 07, 2018 10:51 AM Back

We all want to find Mr. or Ms. Right…but is there really such a thing? According to experts LOVE has less to do with the other person and more to do with each of US. According to experts, love is a cultivated emotion that requires us to love ourselves first and then project that love onto others including the person we are attracted to and have the most in common with.

1. Love the One You’re With: Except for definitive “deal breakers” staying in love is as “easy” as showing love to your partner. If we each focus on pleasing rather than receiving it becomes a win-win situation.

2. Develop A “It’s Better to Give than to Receive” Mentality: True love does not keep records or rights or wrongs. That does not mean we allow ourselves to be taken advantage of or to be walked on. What it does mean that we do not keep tallies of how many times we are right or wrong or how much we do for our family or significant other. We give and do simply because we want to. And, if each establishes this way of living there will be no need to keep score.

3. Familiarity Tends to Breed Contempt: Remember, the more you get to know someone the more there is to like about him/her and the more to dislike about him/her. Make sure you know about all the important potential dislikes before you commit as they WILL crop up and if your fear of being alone is keeping you together, these will only lead to resentment in the future. If however you like more than you dislike and you can live with the dislikes, you are ahead of the game…especially if you are not two halves coming together to make a whole…but two wholes coming together.

4. Opposites Attract…Not Always: We all wear rose colored glasses when in the throes of like…but our relationship can get shady once our blinders are removed. High hopes and high expectations can literally RUIN a relationship….and what we initially found interesting because it was different can be something we find irritating because of the differences. Does that mean we can’t help each other change and improve? No…in fact that’s what heatlhy relationships are all about…bringing out the best in the other person…provided he or she is a willing participant. You can potentially change a person’s attire even behavior…but not intrinsic attitudes or character.

5. Its You and Me Against the World Baby: YES, YES and YES…once you are “hitched” you are one and a team…again the world. In fact, you are now family. Still, according to experts, being able to continue loving your mate means being able to continue loving yourself and not losing yourself or your identity. Maintaining your independence, autonomy and other happy, healthy relationships is key to keeping your marriage and your love alive. In fact, real love lifts you up and encourages and empowers you to love yourself and others.

Remember, there are no perfect people and no perfect fit…but rather a better or best fit for each one of us….and each relationship, especially marriage means working toward achieving lasting love and respect and not establishing unions based on momentary feelings. As we practice loving and showing love…the more we will improve our love life.